4 tips for guiding children through divorce

Coping with the realities of divorce can be difficult for children of all ages. The following tips will help you guide your children through all the changes happening at home as a result of divorce.

• As your children adjust to having parents who live apart, they may already feel a level of instability during the transition. Don't add to their worries by arguing with your ex or talking negatively about the divorce when your kids are within earshot.
• It's also important to avoid blaming your ex for causing the situation when you talk to your children about it.

• Although you might feel resentful and angry towards your former spouse, avoid doing things to punish him or her that may negatively affect the children.
• For example, if the other parent is late picking up the kids, don't retaliate by refusing to let your ex have visitation. These kinds of actions punish the children more than the other parent.

• The last thing you want is for your children to feel guilty about leaving you to spend time with their other parent.
• During visitation swaps, show your children that you're happy to see them going off to spend time with their mother or father. Let your kids know that you want them to visit the other parent and that you'll be absolutely fine while they're gone.

• You may be struggling with financial issues and other problems stemming from the breakup of your marriage. However, it's critical that you avoid discussing these concerns around the kids. Right now, your children are probably still trying to wrap their minds around all the changes that have taken place in your family.
• Worrying about adult problems in front of your kids will multiply their feelings of fear and uncertainty about the situation.
• Make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that you will always love your children whether they're physically with you or not. Let them know that they did nothing to cause the divorce and gently reinforce the idea that there is nothing they can do to prevent it.
• As long as you do everything you can to make the transition as smooth as possible, your children will make it through the divorce in a healthy-minded way.